


And All the Other Things

by windfallswest



Series: Olin/Lands [11]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Last of The Jedi Series - Jude Watson
Genre: Developing Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:54:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22063606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windfallswest/pseuds/windfallswest
Summary: Ferus scowled; Roan always seemed to know him better than he knew himself. It seemed unfair, somehow.
Relationships: Roan Lands/Ferus Olin
Series: Olin/Lands [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1283615
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	And All the Other Things

"What do you want?" Roan asked Ferus, and he saw that look creep into Ferus' eyes. 

It was easy to forget to ask, sometimes; Ferus' open pleasure in his every touch was so obvious, it could be frankly overwhelming. They had gone over the short list of things Roan wasn't comfortable doing early on, but Ferus didn't even know that much about himself. 

And that was what that look was about. Ferus didn't like making a decision unless he knew it was the _right_ decision. He had a tendency to assume that because Roan had done all this before, he'd know what that was. _Roan_ didn't want to end up making all Ferus' choices for him, especially not when it came to sex. 

"Getting anywhere with that checklist?" Roan teased, leaning in to place a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth. 

Ferus turned his head to kiss him more firmly. That went on for a while. It was evening, and instead of eating dinner, they had ended up all but tearing each other's clothes off on the way to Roan's bedroom. Roan would have been happy to stop short of the bedroom at the first convenient piece of furniture, but Ferus had a strong sense of decorum. 

"There are a lot of variables to consider," Ferus mumbled defensively into Roan's chin.

Was Ferus actually making a list? Roan needed to be more careful what came out of his mouth. And see if he couldn't wheedle a look at it. "Well, don't be afraid to skip around if inspiration strikes you." 

Ferus scraped his teeth gently over Roan's bottom lip. "I'll keep that in mind."

Roan sank back into the mattress and ran his hands up the liquid curve of Ferus' spine, inviting him closer. He came with no hesitation at all, certain at least of his welcome and his own desire. There was, Roan had to grant him, no foreseeable end to the things _he_ wanted to do with Ferus. But they all boiled down to Ferus' body against his, this feeling when they touched, the sound of helpless, surprised pleasure Ferus made when he came. 

Roan still wasn't used to how _he_ felt in the aftermath. It wasn't like he'd never had sex before, or even been in love before. But something about Ferus just floored him in a way he'd never experienced with anyone else. 

"...so I don't know," Roan said, scooping up another chunk of cooked bean curd with a piece of flatbread, pausing to collect a more acceptable ratio of sauce. "A water-swoop takes less space and fuel, but a an airspeeder is more versatile. You can't take a regular speeder across the lakes, though; and traffic is usually lighter in the canals. Maybe a hoverskiff?" 

"I guess it depends what you want to use it for," Ferus hedged. 

Roan rolled his eyes. "Big help you are." 

When he started saving up, he'd definitely been thinking of a speeder bike or swoop skiff. But he wasn't seventeen anymore, and his father might actually follow through on that threat to have a heart attack. Roan tried to decide whether the vision of Ferus sitting close behind him on a swoop with his arms around Roan's waist counted as a legitimate argument for getting one. 

"Are you staying over?" Roan asked. He might not have been seventeen anymore, but he wasn't dead either. 

Scrupulously, Ferus concentrated on cleaning his plate with a last scrap of flatbread. The glance he flickered up at Roan seemed more trapped than passionate. 

"What's the matter?" Roan asked. 

"Nothing," Ferus was quick to reply. 

Roan sighed. "I wish you wouldn't do that."

"I don't know what you're talking about." 

"If something's bothering you, you can tell me."

Ferus set the bread down, appetite evidently gone. "Nothing's bothering me. I'm just thinking about what you said the other day." 

Roan abruptly forgot about his own food, too. He had floated the idea of Ferus moving in with him here, or maybe getting their own place, since it didn't make much sense to be paying two rents or wandering across half the district in the middle of the night instead of sleeping like post-coital logs. Not to mention the fact that he'd gotten a lot more familiar with that hostel room Ferus was staying in, and no amount of flowers was going to make it anything but cramped and depressing.

"Yeah? What do you think?" Roan asked causally. He'd been kicking himself for moving too fast again, but his heart was racing. 

"I'm not done thinking."

"That's okay; take your time," Roan hurried to reassure him. "But seriously, about the speeder. What do you think?" he asked to change the subject. 

Ferus' frown only deepened, and he stared at Roan as though hoping to read what he was supposed to say on his face. "Well—" he started. 

Roan rubbed his eyes, suddenly tired. "Ferus. I love you. And when we're talking, I don't want to know what you think a perfect boyfriend would say; I want to know how _you_ feel and what _your_ opinions are. Tell me you don't care or that swoop bikes are death traps or you'll ride in anything as long as it's not green."

Ferus bristled. "I just like to think things through; I don't know what's so unreasonable about that."

"You know it's not actually better if you're not honest with yourself, either." 

Roan knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as he opened his mouth, but he couldn't quite take it back. Sometimes Ferus was just so, so—

"Is that actually what you think, that I'm a liar?" Ferus' Coruscanti accent was cool and blank as ice, his first reaction to emotion still to shut it down. 

Roan's jaw set. Now that he'd started this, he might as well say what he was thinking. Ferus was supposed to be _objective_ , right? "I think you're so obsessed with being perfect, sometimes you don't know who you are." 

"Thank you for your opinion." 

"Ferus—" 

"I have to open the shop tomorrow. Good night." 

Roan rested his head in his hands in the wake of Ferus' abrupt departure. "You just can't keep your fat mouth shut, can you?" 

"What's up with Ferus?" Manx asked Aya, as though Ferus wasn't standing right there. 

"He had a fight with Roan," Aya said authoritatively. 

"I didn't say that," objected Ferus. 

"You really didn't have to." 

Ferus glowered at them both, to no noticeable effect. 

"Do you want to tell us about it?" offered Cerri. 

Ferus opened his mouth to reiterate that it wasn't any of their business, but instead found the story, short and stupid as it was, spilling out. He was almost glad Roan hadn't commed or come by to try to apologise; Ferus wasn't sure he trusted himself to talk to him yet. Just because he didn't have _opinions_ about everything like some people...!

"Can you believe that?" Ferus finished indignantly. 

His coworkers exchanged looks. 

"What?" 

Cerri's face contorted into a sort of apologetic grimace. "Well... You are kind of particular about putting arrangements together."

"Yeah," Aya said. 

"It's great when we have large orders come in," Manx told him. "I know everything's going to be exactly the same."

"But you could maybe stand to loosen up just a tiny bit," Aya added. 

Cerri nodded. "Yeah. It's arranging flowers, not calibrating hyperdrives."

"It's just—he asks me questions all the time." Ferus hated the whine that crept into his tone.

They all stared at him blankly.

"And...?"

"And I don't know what the right answer is!" Ferus burst out.

Manx patted him sympathetically on the shoulder. "Oh, honey."

Ferus did message Roan to cancel their tentative plans for the evening; he might be irritated with Roan, but Ferus didn't want him to think he was cutting him off again. He just needed time to figure things out. If that wasn't too much to ask.

Roan's response was equally terse: _Fine. Let me know when you've finished weighing all the options._

Obviously, Roan was still upset with him, too. Ferus scowled; Roan always seemed to know him better than he knew himself. It seemed unfair, somehow. 

Leaving the flower shop, Ferus found himself turning up the street and around automatically. Once, he could have mediated this restlessness away, although both he and Siri had always found it easier to meditate in motion, one of the few things they'd really had in common. 

Ferus would still rather be moving. Even without the Force, it was easier to think when he could bleed off some of his emotional energy through physical action. 

He could go for a hike in one of the parks, or even outside the city. Someplace peaceful and solitary. Or take a swim in one of the lakes; it was certainly warm enough, and water was excellent for blocking out distractions.

Instead, Ferus wandered the arcing street with its close-built, colorful structures. Ghar mein Billee was part of a small cluster of shops whose fronts opened onto this block, the displays spilling out onto the street in advertisement. But the larger market was only a block or so over. Ferus purchased a messy but delicious chaat and drifted through the riot and almost Coruscanti rush-hour crush, many of the faces already familiar, if not always attached to names. 

Even after months here, Ferus had barely scratched the surface of Ussa's rich history and culture, although it was a fraction of the size of Coruscant's planet-engulfing ecumenopolis. For all the beauty of the nature preserved in its heart, Ferus realised that he liked the urban city more, the lights and sounds of living people everywhere, with more things to do or see or experience than he'd ever imagined in all his travels. 

And he liked Ussa better than Coruscant. He preferred its maze of curving streets and canals to the criss-cross of sky bridges and unending streams of air traffic. The architecture here was _colourful_ , and even the most ornate and stately of historic buildings wasn't so impersonally looming as the ship-sized edifices of the galactic capitol. 

Ferus tensed, checking himself. _So what?_ a rebellious little voice that sounded a lot like Roan asked. What did that hurt? By liking Ussa, he wasn't disapproving of Coruscant. It didn't matter to anyone but him. And...Roan. 

Ferus kept walking. He had a lot to think about. 

Roan was tooling around on the holonet, chatting with some friends and doing a pretty good job of feeling sorry for himself, when the door buzzer sounded. He frowned, trying to remember if he'd ordered food; but maybe it was a neighbour who'd locked themself out. 

Heaving a sigh, Roan walked over to the door. "Hello?"

"I think you should get the water swoop."

"Ferus?" Despite his telling it he was still ticked at Ferus, Roan's stomach flip-flopped in worry and relief. He was struck again by how gone he was over this earnest Jedi head-case.

"That's the one you want, right?"

"Ferus, what are you doing down there? You have the door codes." 

A staticky pause. "I wasn't sure if you were still angry. If it turns out it doesn't do what you want it to, you won't have a problem reselling it."

_Are you?_ Roan rested his forehead, gently, on the wall above the intercom. "Relationships have different rules than blaster fights, Ferus. Let me explain how this works. We're both going to mess up a lot, but we're still going to care about each other."

"I'm sorry. I'm not very good at this."

Because of course Ferus had to be good at everything. "This is ridiculous. Will you get up here?" 

After a minute, Roan shoved off from the wall, and he was standing more or less on his own initiative, waiting for the kettle to boil, by the time Ferus made it up. He hesitated inside the door until he'd located Roan, searching his face to determine his mood. 

Instantly, Roan felt bad. Snapping at Ferus was, really, a terrible way to get him to open up. Roan _knew_ none of this was about Ferus not trusting him; it was all Ferus not trusting himself. Seeing him so twisted up in himself made Roan feel painfully useless, but there was no secret hack to circumvent whatever trauma or Jedi training was at the root of the problem. 

"Hey. I'm sorry, too." Reaching out to Ferus was automatic; Roan wondered when that had happened. 

Ferus unglued himself from the doorway, fingers tangling with Roan's. "You...might not have been completely wrong. It feels...safer when I know there are rules I can follow. When there are clear right and wrong answers."

"Someone else's judgement to lean on?"

Ferus looked away. He tried to reclaim his hand, but Roan held fast. 

"I don't care if you're right," Roan asserted. "Or even if you have an answer. Only that you're honest. If something's important, if it affects both of us, we should both have a say." _That's how you build a life together._ "So just...if you ever do have opinions about whatever, I'm listening. And otherwise, I'll try not to be a jerk." 

That surprised Ferus into a laugh. His grip tightened minutely. Roan took the silent cue and let it draw him in. Ferus tugged him closer for a kiss Roan was only too willing to give. 

"Please stay." 

Ferus sighed an exhale and rested his cheek against Roan's; Roan felt some more of the tension he'd been carrying unwind from his shoulders as Ferus' arms slipped around him. "Take me to bed?" 

"You only ever have to ask." 

Roan hoped he'd been able to make Ferus understand, just a little. It was a work in progress. 

Back in Roan's bedroom, they lost themselves in one another, trading kisses and caresses. Roan never wanted to stop touching him. 

Ferus, he reflected from flat on his back with one of those strong, callused hands around his dick, had no trouble at all letting him know what he wanted some of the time. The intensity of Ferus' gaze searching his face made it impossible for Roan to close his eyes. He pulled Ferus down closer, close. 

The hand stroking him shifted, and he felt Ferus's cock sliding against his. An embarrassingly piteous sort of moan dragged itself up out of his throat as his hips jerked in pursuit of more. 

"Please," Roan begged, just to show Ferus how it was done. And also because he was on fire and in love and desperate, desperate need. 

"Roan," whispered Ferus. 

He leaned in closer. Roan licked his lips in hopes of eliciting a kiss, but even half glazed-over Ferus' was still staring at him like he was trying to read something on his face, like his every little twitch of pleasure was that important. 

"Please," Roan repeated. 

Under his hands, Ferus' back shifted as he thrust in time with his pumping arm. Roan squeezed his shoulders, then slid his hands up to cradle his face. Brushing a thumb over Ferus' lips was rewarded with a little sound on an indrawn breath. 

It took Roan a moment to realise Ferus was coming. He jerked them both through it, come making everything suddenly so much more slippery and excruciatingly amazing. 

Ferus' hand slipped off and planted by Roan's ear to steady himself in response to the involuntary bucking of Roan's hips with his own orgasm. Roan wouldn't have minded if he'd ended up closer. A lot closer. With Roan's cock inside his body. Roan hoped that was on the checklist. 

Ferus was still staring at him when Roan blinked his eyes back open at last. Roan did lean up to kiss him this time. 

"You can take a holo if you like," Roan teased muzzily.

There was that lovely expression of shock. Roan wasn't very successful in suppressing his grin, which got him pinched in the ribs as Ferus sat up. 

"Be right back," he answered Roan's noise of protest. He went half across the room to fish something out of the overnight satchel he'd shed onto the floor with the rest of their clothes. Roan reached for him again when he returned to bed, but instead of lying down he sat up cross-legged by Roan's hip. 

"I wanted to show you something," Ferus said a little nervously. 

Roan stirred himself at his apprehensive tone, swallowing his first impulse of an off-colour joke. Ferus was pulling something out of a small hardcase and piecing it together. After a confused moment, he recognised a vioflute. 

"I didn't know you played." 

"I don't. I mean, I'm just learning," Ferus explained. "I liked the way it sounded. I wasn't going to tell you until I got better." 

Roan had a strange feeling in his chest, like his heart was trying to turn itself inside out. "Would you play something for me anyway?" he asked in a small voice. 

"That's the idea." Ferus raised the instrument to his lips, then added, "But you have to remember, I'm not very good yet." 

Roan squeezed his ankle reassuringly. "I understand. I'd love to hear some anyway." 

Raising the instrument again, Ferus squared his shoulders. He took a deep breath and blew into the mouthpiece, causing the strings inside the flattish tube to resonate. 

As he'd warned, Ferus still had a ways to go before anyone was going to offer him a place with the planetary orchestra. A piercing initial shriek resolved quickly into a mellow vibrato note, then another. Ferus was reading off a piece of flimsy propped in the case. The notes were wobbly and the timing too slow and irregular; but after a few bars Roan thought he could recognise a popular children's tune. 

When Ferus came to the end of the piece, he was red-faced and a little out of breath. He looked up from the music to find Roan beaming at him, heart full to bursting. 

"I know it's not great..." 

"Come here." Roan didn't wait, instead scooting upright to catch Ferus in a warm embrace. "Thank you. Really thank you." 

Ferus, still tense, hugged him back. "I don't want to hide anything from you; I don't want anything to get between us." 

Roan had to kiss him. "I don't know what to say. You already know everything I'm terrible at." 

"You don't have to set the flat on fire again to prove you love me." He could feel Ferus' smile against his lips. 

"Nothing caught on _fire_ ," Roan couldn't help objecting. "And I can too cook." 

"Mm-hm," Ferus hummed, unconvinced. 

Roan nipped at him in retribution for that. But, "Play me some more?" 

"Really?" Ferus asked shyly. 

"Really." With some reluctance, Roan sat back to give Ferus room. "Only if you want to." 

Ferus brought up the vioflute again, fingers hesitating over the fret-stops. But the music was nothing compared with Ferus' trust.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year all!


End file.
